A Day for Relaxed Gladness

After a week of 30 degree weather on the Outer Banks, (translated: FREEZING, for us beach-blooded people at least), today was a perfect 65 degrees, with all the sun one could want, and just a breath of breeze blowing, and a warm breeze at that. It was the type of day that makes you remember that winter doesn't last forever, that spring is really going to follow.

We've passed the shortest day of the year, each day now followed by one a little longer, a few more minutes until the sun sets behind the ocean, a few more minutes to appreciate life here on the beach.

After two weeks of holiday travel, visiting family, and two very tired children who've been off schedule for days, today seemed like a day made for people to just stop, take a deep breath, and actually enjoy the madness; at least, now that it's mostly over. A day of recuperation, and calm gladness, for lack of a better way to describe it. Feeling happy, but relaxed; sitting on the porch and enjoying the day instead of using it to get something done, and not feeling the least bit guilty about it. A wasted day that is perfectly un-wasted.

Days like today put me in a great frame of mind to write. I'm not stressed about it, or anything really; that would be near impossible in the frame of mind today induced. I know that when I sit down, even though I have no ideas at the forefront of my mind, my fingers will start going across the keyboard, and words will appear, becoming sentences, building into paragraphs, even pages.

I sat out on my porch tonight, and just let myself loose in my head, letting go of all the unintentional, and unavoidable, tensions that keep everyone grounded in their day to day lives. The lake across the street, more of a large pond really, was reflecting a porch light from a house sitting at it's far edge, gently rippling and swaying, and somehow beautiful.

For me, that reflection, and the fact that I could just sit and take it in, absorb it really, was the greatest gift I've received this year. I'm happy my family is healthy, I'm happy we could all be together as we so rarely can these days, and I'm happy that we are, for the most part, happy.

But more than any of that, I'm happy that I was given those few moments on the porch to actually realize those things, to let them sink way deep down into me, where I can truly appreciate them.

I hope the New Year brings more of the same. =)

Happy Horoscope

I like to read my horoscope on MSN.com every morning when I get on the computer to check all my mailboxes. I don't live by what they say, and I'm not super into the whole astrology thing, but I do think it's fun to read and relate things to. Plus, when they're good ones, why not use that little extra to make it through the day? I mean, seriously, every little bit helps, so I'll take what I can get.

Recently, starting about a week before I decided that writing a book while raising an autistic 2.5 year old and ridiculously active 1 year old (HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHLOE!) was a great idea, my horoscope has talked about writing. Here's the one I have for today.

Incredible feelings of enthusiasm, optimism,

and sheer joy could fill your heart and mind today, dear Taurus.

Your life is changing in a positive way,and even though it may not be readily apparent, you're sensing it intuitively.

Romance with someone from far away could be in the cards.

If you're a writer, publishing is right around the corner.

The only downside is that occasionally you might feel panic as
if all this will disappear.

Stay focused!

So I'm feeling pretty stoked about my day now, and about life in general. =) I'm hoping that while my husband is playing his usual Sunday afternoon football game with the guys that ol' Rob Pattinson will show up on my porch with his newly shorn hair and profess his undying lust for my brain. Hey, a girl can daydream, right? Haha, okay, so that's a little far-fetched even for an Ali daydream. Still...

It's so true about the panic thing though. I often worry that if I don't write as much as possible, I'll lose it. Then I'll have to tell people I'm a loser instead of a writer. (Slightly sarcastic there, but also a little serious.) I should know better, since I've spent years ignoring my writing ability in favor of what I called "living my life" at the time, and it's still there, patiently waiting for me to utilize it. But that fear never goes away completely I don't think, at least not for me. While I don't think that writing is what defines me,..........wait. Okay, actually, I do kind of think it defines me, to a certain extent any ways. So without that, who am I? I'd just be "that girl Ali, with the really long hair", like that's some kind of amazing skill. "Oooooh, she can grow her hair really fast! Super awesome!"

Ummm....yeah. Not so much, I don't think. I'd much rather be Ali the writer with really long hair, haha!

In a tiny aside-I still feel like such a poser saying, "I'm a writer", which probably will last until I have something published. Anyway, this has been kind of rambling, and I'm not going to fix that, sorry. My cup of coffee is empty, and it's time to refill and start the daily battle of keeping the house decently un-messy. Oh, and to write of course! ;)

Elephants are my fave, for those of you who don't know, and this one is so happy!
Check out that grin! Perfect for my horoscope-induced euphoria today.

Tiny Little Nothing

I saw Twilight. Not really writing related, but I talk about it everywhere, so I figure here is no exception. My brief (seriously) thoughts on that are here.

Twilight Romance by Brent Lynch

Inspiration-Point Blank

Inspiration is a strange thing, coming from any and everything.

I had the strangest...I can only call it a zing...of inspiration today for Story 2 while I was watching Grosse Pointe Blank, the 90's movie with John Cusack, and Minnie Driver. If and when this book is published, (fingers crossed!), no one would be able to pick out the place that came from it, because it wasn't like a direct thing. Just a look, a general feeling at a certain place, an idea that popped up like a little brain-bubble.

So I just thought I'd share that randomness that is my thought process, and also let you know that things are going well, I'm starting to sink back into the writing zone-(*has anyone seen the Crankyankers character in the "Phone Zone" skit? yeah, that's what I'm hearing right now.*)-and the tingles are starting up again.

I've gotta say I'm glad, I was worried after a few days of complete blank-brain, but I'm thinking now that was just the holiday induced food coma stifling any thought that didn't involve cramming more leftover stuffing into my mouth. ;)John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank

Ups & Downs

I'm feeling slightly discouraged today. Nothing huge, just the inevitable downswing that follows the initial euphoria.

Don't get me wrong, I am still feeling pretty dang good about having taken this huge step towards actually doing something with my life. Thinking about it, which I do all the time, makes me smile.

I suppose it's just me realizing that it's VERY HARD to try and start a novel with two very small children who require a ton of attention. Then there's the house that stays in a constant state of "wreck", which requires time to prevent said wreckiness from taking complete control. Oh, and my husband would probably like some small modicum of my attention as well.

These are things I've always been aware of, but the actuality of it sinks in more and more each day, when I want to sit down and lose myself in the world I'm creating, and it has to be put off for some reason or another. This is, I believe, the part in my own story where I buckle down. Which anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not good at things that require me to buckle down. That is usually the beginning of the end for me. I do not have a lot of self discipline, and unfortunately, acknowledging that fact doesn't really do anything to help. Which really seems rather unfair, I think. If I can admit I have a problem, shouldn't I get some sort of recompense? I mean,.....oh never mind what I mean. I'm a slacker way deep down, and while I have tried hard in the past few years, what I consider my actual "growing up", it's still a daily battle for me. And what self-discipline I do have goes towards raising my children so they aren't affected my the same laziness I have.

But do not lose faith, faithful readers! I am not going to walk away from this. I'm not going to put it aside and let it slip into the hazy gray underneath part of my mind, where all good ideas go to die. Well, not die really, they...sleep. And every once in a while they wake up enough to make me feel guilty for putting them there, until I lull them to sleep again. But not this time. Big words, right? Not really. Most of those other ideas were half-formed, mostly useless things to begin with, so letting them sleep isn't the biggest crime in the world. This however (my writing a book), has been a constant in my subconscious for as long as I can remember. And I'm not saying that lightly; literally as long as I can remember, my earliest years of childhood, I wanted to write. The entire time I swore I was going to be a teacher, artist, zoologist, I left it an unstated fact that somewhere in there would be a book, something written by me. To put that into the enforced coma-ward of my brain with my other sleeping dreams would be the worst crime I could commit to myself. The thought of me actually doing that kind of scares me. Well, to be completely honest, it really scares me. Because what would I be then? That would be like cutting the one thread I have left holding me to the future I've wanted my whole life. I would just float around, aimlessly, in some sort of strange purgatory. Ugh. Doesn't that sound pretty freaking scary to you?

Anyways, it's not going to happen that way. Maybe it's that same fear that drives me this time, or maybe I'm actually getting some semblance of self-discipline in my life. Maybe self0dscipline is mostly fear. I'm not really sure, being new to the whole realm of self-discipline. I'll have to sit down and think deep thoughts of how the two are related. After I write a few books. =)

So while it is tough to have to realize that I'll be sleeping less in an effort to get some real work time in (I adore sleep), I think that it's a given that something has to be given up in order to gain anything, and sleep isn't really the worst thing to lose.

Another thing that kind of bums me a little bit is that, in order to write well, to make it real to myself, I have to lose myself in that story, that world. And I can't do that now. Even when I do get the chance to write, I can't just tune out everything else. My kids need to be watched, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, and something has to be made for dinner. And in the three hour space between the kids going to sleep, and me falling asleep, I have to dedicate some of that time to my husband.

I wish it was possible to just dedicate a solid 4 hours of each day to writing. Time for me to really sink into it, learn all those small details about my character that make them so interesting.

If wishes were horses then beggar's would ride, and etc. So no pity party. Just a refreshed sense of commitment to my work, and (hopefully) willingness to lose in order to gain.

I'll leave you with this little bit of wisdom (*snicker*)

Music To Write By

So I put up part of the playlist I listen to when I'm writing, or trying to write at least. These songs are either inspiring to me, or remind me of a character, or a plot line. I mixed up the order I play them in, and I set it on automatic shuffle as well, because I didn't want to give anything away yet. Eventually I'll come off more detailed details, but right now I'm at the earliest beginning. Like baking a cake, sort of, I don't want to ask people to taste the eggs for me, I have to at least mix all the ingredients up into that delicious cake batter we all love to sneak before the cake is done. ;)

I do have to ask that you listen to at least one song specifically-L'apres Midi- by Yann Tiersen. I just love that song, it has stories just flying out of it.

11/29/08 edit-all the songs on the playlist now are amazing, Iron and Wine being a huge influence right now

Also, if you notice song there more than once, it's supposed to be. ;) That means it's important, and I listen to it repeatedly.

Enjoy, and feel free to share your music, I always love new tunes and new inspirations!

Ecstacy by Maxfield Parrish

Marshmallows DO NOT Mellow Me!

I forgot to mention in my last post that, in my frenzied day of writing, I devoured approximately 456 of those mini marshmallows. Thankfully, I ran out before I could make myself sick off them, but I was definitely up late with all that sugar rushing through my blood! But I did get some pretty sweet (bad pun intended) stuff down so....

Today I sat down to edit again, ugh, I really don't like to go back and re-read what I've written but-(drum roll pleeeeease...)

I ACTUALLY DID!

Haha, yes, I actually edited the first half of a chapter, and in doing do I had a few ideas about how to continue. Which is great, obviously. Hopefully this will teach me that editing is not the worst thing in the world to do. Hopefully. Although I do have to agree with Ms. Meyer when she says, "I am most creative when I'm procrastinating."

I also found some amazing pictures for my Conservatory scene. I always look for pictures to help me get inspired, whether it's for character or places. And while I'm not (of course) going to tell you what exactly the Conservatory scene is, I had to share what it looks like, because it is BEAUTIFUL! It's the Horniman Conservatory in London, which I desperately hope to one day see in person. I think this could inspire anyone to write! See for yourself...


Also in my thoughts today....

I love the way Robert Jordan doesn't have any minor characters. I mean, if the man mentioned a name, you can almost guarantee that they will be back later in the story, possibly in a huge way. While I don't think that I could maintain anything like the epic saga he created, it is interesting to me, as a writer, to see his techniques, and his amazing skill in creating a totally believable world. He has about a hundred characters, tons of different cultures, times, and places, and every single one is so full of detail and personality that you have no difficulty in seeing it in his mind. I only hope that reading his work while writing mine will make some of that insight rub off!

And in a small aside, my spellchecker told me that when I misspelled "guarantee" above, it was corrected as Garfunkel. Hmmm...

I've also got an amazing playlist of songs I listen to when I write, either for background noise, or because it fits a character or a story line, so I'm going to (eventually) get around to putting that on here so you guys can hear what I hear. I'm sure you'll be dying of anticipation now, and wondering what they mean! (there was some pretty heavy sarcasm there)

Time to feed the little monsters, and hopefully continue editing after they go to sleep.

Wish me Luck!

D(ali)

"I am painting pictures which make me die for joy, I am creating with an absolute naturalness, without the slightest aesthetic concern, I am making things that inspire me with a profound emotion and I am trying to paint them honestly." —Salvador Dalí, in Dawn Ades, Dalí and Surrealism.

While there are many aspects surrounding and concerning Dali that I do not agree with personally, and many more I could never hope to understand, this quote speaks to me. It is exactly how I feel about writing, instead of art. Writing something that makes me so happy, without any false pretense, or worry what others will think. Writing a story that I like, that inspires profound emotion in myself, and putting it on paper in the purest, most honest form I can manage.

While I cannot claim to have the same motives with the book I'm currently working on, since I am hoping to have it published, and therefore do think about what others will think of it, the pieces I write for myself, on the spur of the moment, are exactly as Dali says. They're also my favorite writings.

Well, this was just something I ran across on my endless internet search for...well, anything that interests me really, and I was so taken with it, I just had to share. =)

I'd like to think, or at least hope, that everyone has something that they feel as passionately about as I do about writing, and Dali did about art. I cannot imagine what life, my life specifically, would be like without that passion, or obsession. I kind of think I'd either be extremely boring, or crazy.

Dali's Swans Reflecting Elephants